moon jumper

I'm going to break you're paragraphs up for you. Chapter Two A bright flashes of colour zoomed through my mind. People were screaming. I was walking to a place I ...

You might want to make him a little believable. He's prefect, well, no one's perfect! Maybe he could not be that attractive and his home is full of old stuff. ...

Wow, I'm feeling depressed now. XD You're awesome at creating mood, but I believe you need to add details of how Sophie died and what war went on. And the ...

Questions from the reader: Where are they? How could the two boys hold all of those weapons? Who was the large man? WHAT HAPPENED? Those are a few things to ...

Hey, I'm MJ. And Sam took everything I was going to say! XD So everything she said, I agree on. Anyway, I'm a Greeter, so...WELCOME TO YWS! If you're lost ...

Hey, I'm here to critique again! I distinctly heard the sound of rain drops; that’s what I first became aware of. I, however , was not cold or wet as ...

Chapter 1 – hide and seek The air was thick with cold air, which consequently made my lungs feel like they were on fire. My legs, however, were not tired ...

First off, WELCOME TO YWS! If you need me, just send a PM. Is this a poem? If it is it's in the wrong section. There's a spot for Romantic ...

Hey, I'm MJ. There were a few grammar issues I'd like to get out of the way first. “No , mommy!” “No , Miranda, look away!” “Mommy!” “Sweetie, it’s too ...

Alright then, the critique. 1) The Story First of all let me say that you have described everything very well. I couldn't find any grammatical errors of any sort, and ...

Alright here it goes. 1) Grammar Wow. The way you have this is very confusing. There are no sentences or capital letters where they should be. It's just like a ...

Hey Kasie! Sorry about the month delay, but exams are exams! Anyway, without further adieu (or is that ado? Whatever.), the critique! Rose < Alrighty then. I think it would ...

Hey. Just to let you know, that you need two reviews for every post. With that out of the way, on to the critique! 1) Checks - grammar, spelling, etc. ...

Hmm. This is a rare subject. I have never seen anyone here write about the mafia. Very interesting. 1) Physical Together they got up and walked across the night time ...

Welcome to YWS! Just to let you know, that for every post you need 2 reviews. It's one of the most important things around here. The beginning was a little ...